"Quit. Don't quit. Noodles. Don't noodles"

The kids watch Kung fu Panda just about every day so if you don't have the entire movie memorized that's what that quote is from!

We have some big decisions to make and I'm sick of making big decisions. So about a month or so a ago everything kind of hit rock bottom financially and we decided that Alex would take a position as a salesmen for a home alarm system company which would move us to Cincinnati, Oh for 4 months (May through August). My sister, Amanda and her husband are going too, so we were all planning together and trying to get stuff ready to go. We were getting really excited for an adventure, change of pace, and some of the green stuff!

Then the car battery died and we had to replace it, then the front axle started going out and needs some serious repair as well as the windshield which is broken. Suddenly the realization that we were not only going to have to pay for all the repairs to get our car ready for a trip across the country, but we don't want to lose our place here so we would have to continue paying rent here as well as in Cincinnati. aaahh! The silver lining is that we can make good money by doing this.

But then, Alex got a call from an old friend and investor who asked him if he'd like to use his real estate license to manage his properties. The following day he got some calls and some possible listings on homes and suddenly the day trading he's been doing came back to life with some new accounts and investors.

Either choice is a gamble because it's all commissions. Plus, I don't want my Amanda to go to Cincinnati and be all by her self with her 2 month old baby while her husband works for 4 months straight. Well she won't be all alone. They are going with a group and it's mostly couples and some kids.

Don't you wish you could see into the future and see the result of each choice so then you'd know which one would be best. We've prayed about it, obviously, but it's still not clear. Since we can't really decide yet we've taken the approach that we are just going to take it one day at a time and the answer will get more certain. So to quote the "Kung Fu" turtle:

"The past is history. The future is a mystery, but today is a gift. That's why they call it the present!"

Allie-tude!

Yes I have a diva on my hands. She pulled everything out of her closet the other night and put on her plastic high heels, slung her purse over her shoulder and started talking on her phone. She has this personality that just kills me. She has something beyond attitude...she has
Allie-tude!



After baths Tate convinced Allie to get in his "rocket ship" and go for a ride before bed. How adorable are they! I just love 'em!

You look gorgeous!

Tate and Allie thought it would be fun to do mommy's hair, but we found out that we all looked pretty good with every bow and ribbon we could find in our hair. Well, almost all of us! Tate doesn't look like he's having quit as much fun. What a good sport!

Jeeping fun

Alex was so excited for a sunny day last week and the fact that he has a jeep now. So we went jeeping out in red dirt. The kids loved it.

Lauren and Ephriam brought their jeep and came along. I'm not usually a fan of off-roading but it was really fun!

Look out, I just had an epiphany!

(I should put a flashing warning sign around this post to keep unwary readers from discovering my greatest flaws, but I have to vent and this seems like a good a place as any.)

I'm not quite sure when this notion first occured to me but I know that it was a gradual onset, like a sickness that starts out as just "feeling off" then lays into you until it's thoroughly gutted your insides. Then again maybe this is a reoccuring epiphany that I forget over and over again just to trick myself into believing the opposite.

Realization: I am not good enough.

I've known this horrifying reality since I was a kid. I was never first place, but I ran a great second. I tried so hard to do my best, but I never seemed to reach the highest plateform and claim my prize. Someone was always better. I realized that I am not a good enough mother the first day I brought Tate home from the hospital. And now that feeling has only doubled to accomodate my daughter as well. I'm not a good enough singer or songwriter to accuratly portray what I'm dying to say. I can put my whole heart and very soul into things and the outcome is always the same. Sorry, your not good enough.

How do people do this: have four or five kids and raise them well, be successful and fullfill their goals and do both with effortless sanity. Then I had another epiphany.

They don't do it alone.

There is an unseen power that flows into these ordinary people, turning them into the object of my envy. A mother who quietly, without yelling, staives off the complete meltdown of a toddler while still having control of all the other children as well. An artist who has the courage to put the feelings of their heart onto paper and trusts their voice and their audience to recieve the message as pure as when they first felt it. These amazing individuals are not perfect nor effortlessly sane all the time. They are not good enough on their own either. There are heavenly hands carrying them and giving them those gentle nudges when necessary. The only extraordinary thing about these people is that they have asked for the help and accept it.

Maybe that's why sometimes I forget that I'm not good enough, because sometimes I too pray for help and it comes just as soon as I need it and suddenly.... I am good enough after all.

Happy New Year!

I'm excited for the new year. We are already starting off 2009 with some cool new happenings. First of all we are finally getting a second vehicle. Whoo -hoo! After Alex signeded up for school this semester we realized that we were absolutely going to have to get a second car. So as luck would have it we found the perfect 2000 Jeep Cherakee for sale in St. George. We haven't been a two car family for over 2 years! I don't know how we did it so long. In other exciting news today Allie decided to potty train! I know, she's not even 18 months old yet, but she was the one who told me she had to "poo poo" and low and behold she went in the potty. But the moment she looked in the little potty she started screaming and crying at what was there. After some convincing she was very proud of herself and even told me later that she needed to "pee pee" but we didn't quit make that one. I hope she decides to keep it up I'd love to not have to buy diapers anymore!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. We sure did. We saw Santa a couple times before Christmas and Tate kept telling us that Santa was going to bring him a 4-wheeler for Christmas. Well Santa didn't bring him a 4-wheeler, he brought him an Escalade with a working radio. He was so excited. Allie didn't really get the whole unwrapping part, but she loved getting the presents. We are up in Roy right now at my parents house. Some how we made it through the snowy weather. We've had a great Christmas season and I'm sad to see it end.

I did the Forgotten Carols and got an acting part (ooh..aah) okay so I was just a busy shop-a-holic who once I heard the flute being played (by Michael McClean) I froze and starred into the distance at which time I remembered the true meaning of Christmas:) And in the second scene I was part of a "bad sounding" caroler group. Then I sang in the real choir. It was sooo fun.

Then on Friday I went and jammed with a local band (that has opened for SheDaisy before) at the Bloomington Country club. They asked me to come and we'd just do some traditional Christmas music...yeah it was nice when they did a song I knew. I've never sang in front of a band before so the first few songs were a little rough, but once I got the hang of it, Alex said we sounded great.

Then I had another concert on Saturday night with Lieto! and again on Sunday in church (and I had to do the sharing time in primary). Unfortunately for me Alex had taken a shift at the station on Saturday night through to Sunday night because everyone else was out of town for Christmas. Lucky for me, my kids did great being passed around to kind ward members while I was busy doing all that stuff.

This week Tate gets to go skiing for the first time and we're excited for our first ski trip of the season.