"Just sell me then!"

That's what Tate told us today as we drove red faced out of the mall parking lot after we practically ran from Dillards with our two children screaming at the tops of their lungs. The shopping trip was for me to get some clothes that I could wear to work. After 5 years of not working I got a part time job as a voice teacher at Vista Charter school. I had applied before I even knew I was pregnant, but hadn't heard back for weeks and assumed I didn't get it. The call came at the perfect time, just as we had lost the income from the fire department because workman's comp said Alex couldn't do anymore shifts until he got his knee fixed. I started work last week and really enjoy it, but Tayden does not.

His behavior has gone from laid back easy going kid to moody and explosive. I know it's because there has been a lot of big changes all at once, the biggest for him being that for four hours every morning mommy isn't there. And when mommy gets home she's tired and can't play because she has to do homework. I before I started work I would do my online classes at night after the kids were in bed, but since I have to be up at 6:30 in the morning I can't be going to bed at midnight or later anymore. The last few weeks has been rough behavior wise, but this week...it's left us just shaking our heads in frustration when he says he doesn't like anyone or that we should just sell him.

So Alex and I tried to explain to Tate that even though we are very dissapointed in his behavior and he would be getting punished for disobeying and making a huge scene in the middle of a crowded mall, that we would never sell him. We tried to let him know that he was getting punished for his behavior not because we didn't love him or want him. Regardless of our efforts he spent a half an hour screaming at the top of his lungs while he sat on his bed before he finally excepted the fact that he wasn't getting out of his room.

Finding a balance is the trick. A trick I have yet to master. That seems to be the struggle most of the time though, big changes or not. Life is one big balancing act between the things we "need" to do and the things we need to do. And even though Tate can't understand it now I hope he will understand that every thing I do, I do because I love him, because I love my family. I have a hope that we'll be able to work together to find a balance and come out a stronger more united family because of it.